hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
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i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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