so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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