oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.