Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
