I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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