Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize