had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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