All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
