"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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