u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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