I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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