Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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