SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
