wrigley field is MILF paradise
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
