I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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