Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
