The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
