you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
