You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
