It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
