Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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