I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
