so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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