Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
