found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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