Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
