Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
