My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
