Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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