it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
