Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
