They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
