I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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