Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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