Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Found the puke drawer
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
