i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
