don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
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She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
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I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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