She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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