White coat. Heels.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
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I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
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And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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