I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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