Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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