Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
