she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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