I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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