someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
