My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
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He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
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My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We are all done wearing pants today
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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