First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
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I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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