I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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