I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
