Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
