I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
