There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
