beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
