we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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