I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
