Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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