just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
