I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
