i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
