Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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