I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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